hoeto tumi dekhechho eta, jodio ki kore dekhbe janina... eta khuja pawa karur shombhob noe....
tobe kalke orom proshno korle keno tahole?

Wonder What This One Is

Another sunny and sweaty noon traffic intersection. The honking of the horns, the yelling, and cursing of the drivers and the blistering sun was getting to her. She looked outside her car. A sweat bead trickled down to her eye. She cursed under her breath instinctively. The traffic seemed to be at a permanent standstill. She rolled up her windows and turned the air condition on. She tried to pull her sari up. She cursed again thinking about why fate has made her wear that sari that day. She loved the concept of it because of tradition but wearing it herself is another story. She’s thirty five and she still wears casual jeans and loose shirts, which she knows cause a lot of stir at her work place. She’s sure she won't be able to reach her office on time. Her appointment is at two. She thought she will get out of her house at twelve and since it will take her at most an hour to reach her work, everything would be fine. Impatiently she turned her wrist and looked at her watch. It was one of those humongous digital men watches according to her best friend. She didn’t really care about it. Except she was quite aware of the fact that the watch did not really go with the body-sticking sweaty synthetic sari she has donned on. Her hair was loose, she tried to make a bun out of it with her hand, but as usual it didn’t work out. Her hair like her seemed to be of a disobedient mass sticking out to rebel for an unknown cause. She groped through her newly organized purse for a hair band or a scrunchy. And of course it wasn’t there. She cursed again. She fixed her sari once more, pulling up her anchal. She was so not fit for this sort of apparel. The way she sits, the way her feet find random places to rest themselves, forgetting they belong to a thirty something ‘lady’, does not really bode well for any girly dress. Her eyes were itchy from the lack of sleep from last night. She was so engrossed with a book, she did not notice the time. This would have been a good time for a cigarette, but no, she has promised herself she won’t smoke before she sees a patient. Damn it, it’s 1:30. No way she will be able to reach her appointment in time. Her head hurts from the lack of sleep, the smog, the sun, and everything. She tried to calm herself down thinking about her forthcoming patient. She has to appear nice and calm and mostly, together. After all, she is the therapist. A drop of sweat started its journey from the nape of her neck, slowly making its way down along her curved spine. She shivered involuntarily. A flash of memory. She does not pay any attention to these flashes usually. But at the moment that little piece of memory dug painfully into her mind. It was as if she could see his finger travelling down her body. It was as if she could even feel it. She started to breathe heavily, repeating to herself that there is no point thinking about the past. She tried to push the lump in her throat down. Nevertheless, the stubbornness of the memory kept taking her back to that night. That one night with him, before things turned around. When they were still together. She felt his hands, his long and lanky fingers, she remembered her gasps, she remembered his smile, she remembered him holding her, caressing her. She shook her head. No that was the past. It does not matter. It does not matter she kept repeating to herself. She breathed in deeply, and turned on the radio. One random guy on a bicycle next to the car was going on looking at her. She felt the glance, stared back and snapped, what?!? The guy seemed confused and looked away. She looked at her sari and no wonder it was not in its place. Seriously, she wonders sometimes, what the hell is wrong with the whole city? Why are they so crazy about a girl’s body? Perverts! All of them are perverts. The traffic seemed to have started again. Again the honking started at unison, the engines hummed to tune and all the cars started moving. Another flash. His body pressed against her own. NO! She won't think about it. She won't and that’s that. She tried to remember the details of the patient she has to see. She started the car. It’s 1:45. She may still make it.

Miss You

Do you remember that night?
You held me tight as we laid side by side.
Your passionate kisses burnt through my skin and made my insides warm.
You made me feel sensations I did not know existed.
You made me feel parts of me I did not know about.
You once stood before me without shame.
In the dark... In the Light... Under the Shower.
Do you know how I am gasping for air right now?
Do you know how hard it is becoming to get the minimum air?
Do you realize how hard it is for me to be alive?
You made me tingle and crinkle.
I am gasping now cause I cant carry on
You made me gasp once before for air
Out of happiness.
You made me cry in pleasure.
You are making me cry now to the point I wanna die.
I remember the feeling between my thighs.
I remember the nimbleness of your fingers.
Your lanky nimbleness.
Your seductive torso.
Your waist.
Your skin against mine.
Your hand cupped around my humbled breasts.
God how could you be so numb?
So cold?
Did you never ever feel for me?
Do you not feel the same fire inside of you that I feel for you?
Did you convince yourself so blasphemously, that even I got convinced?
I who know you so famously
I who know you better than you know yourself
I who understand everyone else
I who loves you beyond an love that existed in this universe
I misunderstood You?
Will we never end up together?
Are we not meant to be?
I need you no matter what I say.
I cant dream of life without you.
I cant dream about me without you.
I cant dream a future without you.
I cant live...
...without you.
Love me.
Hold me.
Please don't leave me.
Give me some hope.
Tell me we will be back.
Love me.
Love me.
Please.
Love me.

Ghore Ferar Gaan - Mahiner Ghoraguli

ami gai
ghore pherar gan
utola keno ei pran
shudhu je dake
phire amake
bidesh bibhui-e pore achhi
tobu
chhare na keno chhare na
pichhutan
ami tai
ekhono klantihin
cholechhi ratridin
shuni chomke
jai thhomke
kothha hote jeno bheshe ashe
shur chena khub chena
mono majhe amolin

phirbo bolle phera jae naki
periyechho desh kal janona ki, ei shomoe?
ekhono shamne poth hata baki
chaileo dite parbe na faaki, nishchoe

phirbo bolle phera jae naki
periyechho desh kal janona ki, ei shomoe?
ekhono shamne poth hata baki
chaileo dite parbe na faaki, nishchoe

ami chai
phire jete shei g(n)aye
badhano bot-er chhayae
shei noditir
hawa jhir jhir
mon-er gobhir-e pore thhaka
joto smriti bismriti
kokhono ki bhola jae?

ami prae
ekhono khuji shei desh
jani nei oboshesh
morichika hae
shopno dekhae
shoishob-e aar phera jabe na to
nei poth nei
hariye gechhe shei desh

phirbo bolle phera jae naki
periyechho desh kal janona ki, ei shomoe?
ekhono shamne poth hata baki
chaileo dite parbe na faaki, nishchoe

phirbo bolle phera jae naki
periyechho desh kal janona ki, ei shomoe?
ekhono shamne poth hata baki
chaileo dite parbe na faaki, nishchoe

ami chai
phire jete shei g(n)aye
badhano bot-er chhayae
shei noditir
hawa jhir jhir
mon-er gobhir-e pore thhaka
joto smriti bismriti
...
kokhono ki bhola jae?

ami prae
ekhono khuji shei desh
jani nei oboshesh
morichika hae
shopno dekhae
shoishob-e aar phera jabe na to
nei poth nei
hariye gechhe shei desh

Relevant Videos

Evanescence - Lithium

and the original..

Nirvana -Litihium

which reminded me...

Nirvana - Seasons in the Sun

and of course...

Nirvana - Come As You Were

Internet

The internet is an amazingly scary tool. It just told me how to exactly commit suicide through various ways, it told me what works and what does not work. It told me how just slashing across the forearm does not work, it actually gave me detailed step by step instruction on how to make my veins plumper and what angle to cut it on, for it to be effective!
It also did not forget to mention that there are other millions of ways and how they are a much more guaranteed way of dying.

I dont know what to say about this. I know I was looking it up for my own purposes, but the fact that I found so much detailed information about so many ways creeped me out beyond... beyond... I dont know beyond what...

Freedom of speech has reached to a freakishly scary new level!!!

amar fossils khub ekta bhallage na....

tobu

ei pran eibare polatok holo
ar jabe kahatok bolo?
shesh hoye gelo petrol-o

Tomake Lekha Amar Ek Chithi

Priyo Tumi,

Kokhonoi ki bhebechho palta bhalobashar khomota jodi tomar na thhake tahole tomar ei natok shuru kora uchit hoeni? shat bochhor tumi opekkha korbe ami ekbaro kolpona korini. Eo Jantam nijer mon-e je ami tomake jotota bhalobeshechhi, tumi palta kokhonoi ta parbe na. Tobe ja bhabini ba bujhini ta holo tumi kototai abeghin amake niye. Kothhae -bartae inghit ishara peyechhi thik-i, kintu amar mon je maneni. onedher moton bhalobeshechhi je. shorbotro diye bhalobeshechhi, ta tomar thheke bhalo ar keu janeo na, janbeo na.

mone pore tomar? mone pore shei ratre-r kothha? jani pore.

Tumi pashanhridoy noe, tumi khali kokhono amake bhalobashoni. tate to tomar dosh nei. etodin ja ja nalish chhilo amar tomar naam-e... bishwash koro ekhon tar ekangsho-i nei. karon etodin-e ami bujhechhi shotyo ki. tobe ektai proshno ... jokhon eishob shuru hoyechhilo, tokhon ki tumi jante na je amake tumi bhalobashona?

Nishchoi noe. Na noile e tumi korte na. Amar-i dosh. Ei bidesh-bibhui-e thheke thheke ami shesh obdi tomake chinte bhul korlam. Aami tomake chinte bhul korlam. Aami. Janina ki kore shombhob holo sheta.

tomake ajke ami nishthur-er moton janiye dilam je ami tomake mithye bolechhilam, ashole ami kokhonoi tomake bhalobashini. ami naki tomar jaegae onyo kauke ekhon boshiyeo diyechhi. Khoma kore dio, aar kono upae chhilo na.

Aj sharadin ami bichhana thheke uthini. Kichhu mukheo di ni. Ki korbo hat pa je obosh lagchhe. hothat kore shorir-er protyek ta ongo je boroi bhari hoye gechhe. Aar khide? Khide je ekdom-i lagchhe na, ki korbo?

Amar ekhon r shotti lekha-r khomota nei. Bhalo thheko -

iti,

Tomar Aami

Ekti Pran

Charidike-e Lal Hoye Achhe
Mejhete.
Opash-e Dekhte Pachhi
Chhurita, K(n)achita Ar Blade Duto.
Hashi Pachhe.
Ekla Ghor.
Tai Mon-er Shukh-e Kichhuta Heshe Nilam.
Janla-r Shik Dhore Uthte Gelam,
Nijer Rokte Nijei Pa Pichhle Porlam.
Abar Hashi Pachhe.
O Amar Bodh hoe Bola Uchit
"Amar Mrityu-r Jonyo Keu Dayi Noe"...
Kintu Boroi Hashi Pachhe Je.
Eki
Ami To Hashini!
Tobe Kar Gola Shunlam?
Ma?
Ma to Bari Chhilo Na.
Na Na Amake Uthtei Hobe,
Dorja Bondho Korte.
Ma Amake Ei Obosthhae...
Chokh Juriye Ashchhe Je!
Na Na Uthte Hobe.
Amar Ma...
Ghum Pachhe...
Ma...